Sorry not sorry to be teasing the Hector/Lyn shippers like this; I ship Hector/Lyn in-game, when Lyn/Tactician isn’t possible. I think they’re awesome together! They’re my alternate head-canon. : )

I started playing Shadow Dragon finally! I mean, again, but I would like to go until I finish it this time instead of getting distracted at like Chapter 5 or wherever I was previously. MARTH <3

 

Wait For Me

We were in Bern, traveling towards the Shrine of Seals. We’d seen many strange things since we arrived back in Badon, and we were about to see more, I was sure, in the next few days.

Ceniro’s hero Lord Pent of Etruria had joined our cause, with his archer wife Louise, and that event had loosened Ceniro’s tongue a little; now I got to hear all about his previous adventures with both of them. If I didn’t know better, I’d have said Ceniro loved Pent more than me! But the kisses we stole from each other throughout the day whenever we weren’t on the march were more than enough to assure me otherwise, not to mention the soft smiles that came over his face whenever he looked at me, or the sweet way he spoke to me when not in battle. We tried to be discrete, but privacy was hard to come by in this increasingly large group. Fortunately, we weren’t teased too hard by our companions.

And in battle, we were closer than ever. I no longer had to stay by his side to protect him – even if I wanted to – but it seemed he could read my mind more easily than ever. And maybe I was starting to understand him, too, as I could sometimes predict what he would ask of me as well as if I were a sword in his hand. Once I got used to his voice always being in my ear, which was very nice on its own, I could fight for him without reservation, my friends at my side. Our fights were harder, the enemies stronger and more numerous than ever before, and yet he guided us admirably through the thick of things, sometimes with strategies that seemed impossible or crazy or that would risk the lives of our weaker fighters, but we always came through somehow. So I couldn’t quite predict him yet. And probably I never would. No one could.

I wasn’t alone in my happiness; many of our companions were also becoming close, as friends and maybe as lovers. Eliwood and Ninian had found a measure of solace after the Dread Isle in each other’s company, to Nils’ dismay, and Florina and Wil, and Kent and Fiora, spent a lot of time together. I was happy for them all, supported by my own boyfriend, who thought he was being sneaky in sending certain couples to fight near each other when we needed to fight. He wasn’t nearly as sneaky as he thought, but it never seemed to interfere with our success, and many of my friends did seem to fight better when close to the ones they particularly cared about.

He was such a romantic. And I loved that about him, too.

It was a soft moonlit night the night after we saved Prince Zephiel from the Black Fang, and we were camped in an old abandoned fortress. Ceniro set the watch, but I didn’t see him go to his bunk afterwards, rather the opposite, so I set out in search of him.

He was walking along the wall, ragged green cloak drifting behind him, looking out at who knows what. “Couldn’t sleep?” I asked him, coming up behind him.

He smiled at me and my heart fluttered. “It’s not that,” he said, and made a vague gesture outwards. “Look at this land under the moonlight. The jagged white mountains, the dark forests…”

I had to laugh. “Oh you.” It was so him. So adorable.

“What about you?” he asked, and it took me a moment to remember I’d asked him why he wasn’t sleeping.

“I saw you go.”

“Ah, yes, Sacaean sharpness of senses,” he teased. Pfft, it hadn’t been that hard. Our hands were entwined by now.

“It’s not for nothing we say our best can shoot down the stars…”

He looked at me curiously. “Do you shoot at all?”

Wait, he didn’t know that yet? “I know how. But it’s not my best skill. I prefer to engage the enemy directly; I have more control that way.”

“I see…” He looked back out at the land, and then back to me. “Did you want to talk to me about anything in particular?”

“No, why? Did you want to be alone?”

“Oh, never when you’re around,” he said, smiling, and my heart warmed. “You know that.”

“Do I, though?”

His eyes met mine in the moonlight. “I love you.” There was something partly teasing, partly sincere, and just a shadow of reproach at my teasing in his voice.

“I love you too,” I said happily, reassuring him.

“You’re too wild and free to be limited to just me.”

What? Where did that come from? “Well, I’m not giving my love to all the men in Elibe, either,” I said saucily. “Or women.”

“That’s not what I-”

“I know, silly. Why don’t you think you’re good enough?”

He shrugged. “I don’t really have a good answer for you, except… is anyone good enough?”

“I dunno,” I said, laughing playfully. “Now, um… Hector might be a brute, but he’s a secretly kind and generous one.” It was true. We got along a lot better than we had when we first met.

“…And he shares your sense of humour,” Ceniro said, agreeing with me playfully.

I blinked. “Really?” I hadn’t thought of it that way. “I guess he does. I thought I was more refined than that.”

“You are,” Ceniro assured me, “you just laugh at the same things. And the things you said are true, he is a good man. And he is a lord, he could do much better for you than I could.”

Don’t be ridiculous. “I don’t want better.” There wasn’t any such thing. Ceniro was amazing. He didn’t have to be a lord to do well for me.

‘Although,’ said a traitorous voice in my head, ‘you once said you’d have nothing to do with lords who needed to go through courting rituals to be interested in you, and Hector is nothing of the sort…‘

I told that voice to go jump in a field full of spears and put my arms around his neck, turning him to face me head-on. He automatically put his arms around my waist. “Oh no, don’t tell me I’ve scared you and seeded doubt in your mind?”

His bashful “Um…” and the fact he was trying not to look me in the eyes told me that I had. Oops. I forgot I had to be careful teasing him. It wasn’t like teasing Sain. He really did take me seriously, and while he was more confident than he’d been even when he’d come to my rescue in Caelin, he was still quick to downplay his worth.

I had to fix it. I grabbed his head and pulled him towards me, smashing our mouths together a bit clumsily. His arms tightened reflexively around me and I heard him give a muffled, startled squeak as we collided.

Then he growled at me and backed me into the wall. Oh my. Oh yes, this was what I wanted. His hands began to stroke the curves of my waist and I hummed with pleasure.

I giggled as he released my mouth. “That was nice.”

His eyes were still far too serious for my liking. “You know… if you did want to go with him… I wouldn’t stop you. He would be a much better choice for you.”

Augh, I hadn’t fixed it! I said one stupid thing and now he thought our entire relationship was in jeopardy. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Which of us? Both of us. “Ceniro, shut up,” I told him, almost angrily. “Stop saying that. Don’t make me-” Why yes, actually maybe you should make me drag you back in for more kisses. Do you see me kissing Hector like this? How can you doubt yourself when I’m telling you as plain as I can this is what I want?

His arms were tightly around me, his hands wound in my ponytail, his weight – still not overly heavy, although he was eating better now that he had an army supporting him – pressing me pleasantly into the wall. My tongue was in his mouth, playing with his, and I brushed my knee against his, a temptation for later-

“Ceniro! Ceniro?”

Damn that farseer. Sometimes it was the actual worst. Or maybe damn Pent for having it respond to whenever someone wanted to talk to the bearer. Even Ceniro growled again, his brow furrowed in annoyance as he pulled away from me and took a step back, breathing hard. I had to giggle at the look on his face.

“Eliwood?” he said, trying to regain his composure. No, don’t, I like you this way.

“Legault has something to tell us. Can you meet us at the eastern gate? And can you find Lyndis, too?”

His eyes flicked to me where I leaned against the wall, smiling at him with kiss-reddened lips. “Lyn’s with me.”

“Oooh,” I heard Hector say, obviously having jumped to a correct conclusion.

“Please don’t,” Ceniro said with more annoyance than he normally might. “We’ll be right there.”

“Trouble?” I asked mildly. Yes, I was annoyed too, but it couldn’t be helped. That was our life right now. He huffed and nodded, and I laughed and reached up to pat his head, smoothing down some of the hair I’d fluffed up accidentally. “You’re cute when you’re disgruntled.”

He stared blankly at me and I brushed past him to head down to the gate to see what the problem was.

At least he seemed to have gotten over the Hector comment.

 

But now I hadn’t, as immediately, I began to notice the blue-haired man more than before. In general, we were getting to be friends, like Hector and Eliwood were friends, and we’d eat in the same little group, tell tales together, and sometimes we’d spar – and he’d beat me, half the time! That wasn’t the problem.

The problem was when he saved my life and then looked embarrassed about it. Or when he’d say something unexpectedly nice to Nils or Florina as if it wasn’t anything important. Or when he’d say something that made me want to hit him, and then follow up with something that made me laugh. Or even when he’d make sure everyone in the army got something to eat before going to get any himself, even though he could eat three servings in one sitting.

And he was attractive; so very manly! Broad shoulders, strong jaw, big rough hands under his gauntlets, keen blue eyes. He was confident and commanding, not very lordly or well-mannered, even by my ‘uncultured’ standards, but loyal to a fault and seemingly free of the plague of self-doubt that I knew Ceniro, Eliwood, and I all suffered. At first I’d have thought he was a dumb brute, except for the fact that Eliwood wasn’t likely to be good friends with that sort of man – like Bartre. But no, Hector was intelligent… and if he chose not always to show it, it was a deliberate decision. He was everything I had previously thought I wanted in a man. He was my equal in every way.

What would happen if I did go with him? Ceniro had said he wouldn’t complain, that it would be my decision – even if I knew such a decision would hurt him tremendously. But just to imagine… It wasn’t as comforting as imagining my life with Ceniro. Yes, I’d be the wife of one of the most powerful men in Lycia, but I never cared about that. Even if I came to properly love Hector, instead of just being uncomfortably attracted to him, I’d spend half my time going back to the plains, like the nature goddess of ancient Ilian superstition who married the god of death and spent the winter in the underworld.

In another life, perhaps, a life without Ceniro already by my side…

But Ceniro’s strengths complemented my weaknesses, and vice versa, and he understood my love of the plains, would always be able to come with me when I wanted to be there. And I was not going to give up on someone I’d already pledged myself to. I just had to get over this extra feeling, and hope that no one noticed, hope that Hector didn’t feel anything special for me. Which I had a sneaking suspicion that he did.

One thing I knew; neither of them would force me to choose himself. Perhaps it sounds like a basic requirement in a man, but it was something I valued very much.

It was going to be difficult to ‘get over it’, though, especially since the next couple days were very busy and we hardly had time to sleep, let alone spend private time with Ceniro. In fact, the next chance we got wasn’t until we returned to Ostia.

 

Eliwood had Durandal, but Ninian was dead, unintentionally by his own hand. Both Nils and Eliwood were crushed, Eliwood in a worse state than when his father had died, and Nils was basically catatonic, moving when led and eating when fed, but not responding otherwise. Florina, who had been close with Ninian, watched over him, and I was glad for that at least.

I was longing just to be held by my sweet strategist for an hour or two after we were settled into Castle Ostia’s guest rooms, since even I couldn’t stay strong forever, but then Lord Athos called a meeting to explain things to us. Which in the end I was glad for, as we learned so much, about the Legendary Weapons, the Scouring, and Nergal.

And then we were attacked.

Father Sky and Mother Earth have pity on me, I thought sourly as we hurried to the Ostian soldiers’ aid, following Hector. If I don’t get a break after this, I will… scream and challenge Karel to a duel to the death. Or something. I tried not to be distracted by Hector’s shoulders as he gestured to the soldiers around him, telling them to take heart, that we would be helping them.

Eliwood was beginning to recover, using this battle as catharsis for his rage and grief. It was inspiring, and I took a hint from him, losing myself in pure combat in a way I hadn’t been able to do for a while. None of this complicated political nonsense, none of this complicated emotional nonsense, just to destroy these inhuman morphs before they could kill my friends, to follow the occasional orders from the calm voice in my ear, to dodge and slash and run with my good friends at my side.

It was almost as good as being able to hold my tactician for an hour.

 

After we defeated the morphs, after we debriefed with Lord Athos, I steeled my courage and followed Ceniro towards his own room. Like in Castle Pherae, he’d been given a room all to himself, a privilege I’m not sure he wanted, but certainly deserved.

And it would come in handy, if he didn’t push me away. “Ceniro, wait.”

He turned at once, tired grey eyes brightening a little to see me, but partly with concern. “What is it? Are you all right?”

What? He knew I wasn’t injured. “I’m fine. I was wondering…” I trailed off. Get it together, Lyn.

“Mmhmm?”

I lifted my head and looked him seriously in the eye. “Just for tonight… can I stay with you?”

He blinked, his mouth opening and closing once. “Lyn, it’s…”

…not proper, not done, scandalous, I knew every way that sentence could end. “I know! But… just to be with you. We haven’t been able to properly be together for… weeks, really.” Sometimes I felt the reason I was attracted to Hector was I was just able to be with him more. “And… we’re both reserved, undemonstrative people when it comes to this sort of thing, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hold you often.” I need you right now. Just your presence. Your touch. Your heartbeat. Nothing more.

He smiled his involuntary little smile. “Or I you. But with you beside me I worry that I won’t get any sleep, even if nothing happens.”

I took a step closer, close enough to feel his body heat. “Nothing will happen,” I said firmly, even though I saw his eyes dilate with my proximity. Mother had said a couple times never to sleep with a man before I married him. But she had said nothing about sleeping beside him. Ceniro was honourable. He wouldn’t touch me wrongly even if he got over his shyness, even if we didn’t both know I was the stronger of the two of us. “Just this is our best chance of having a moment before things go all crazy.”

His smile was a little wry. “You’re not seducing me with ‘tomorrow we may die’, are you?”

I lifted my chin in pretended offense, even though my arms were reaching out to his shoulders and he was reaching for my waist. “Absolutely not. You’ll make sure none of us die. And I’m not seducing you!”

“Noted,” he said, with that same smile, pulling me close to him, and his face grew tender. “Lyn…”

“Shhh,” I said. Now was not the time for words. We had time to talk later. Now was only the time for holding, and being held, and kisses. Eventually we made it into the room before anyone came by, got our boots off, and still fully clothed became wrapped up in sheets and lying still on a proper bed for once, my head on his shoulder, our arms still tightly around each other, not saying anything, just being together, recovering together, after the craziness of the last couple weeks.

Just before I drifted off to sleep, I knew I was in the right place.

 

When I woke in his arms – still fully clothed, of course – the next morning, something had become clear to me through the night.

I needed to apologize to Hector at some point. For all the crap I’d put him through since we’d met, from harshly criticizing his fighting style, to all the bickering we’d done on the Dread Isle, even under magical influence, to the nit-picking and pestering and complaining and ribbing I still did to him every day. Hector wasn’t as patient as Ceniro – although, no one was as patient as Ceniro. I don’t know how he stood it.

And maybe… just a little bit, for my own peace of mind… for letting him occupy my thoughts as much as he had, for unintentionally leading him on, even if he hadn’t noticed.

But in the meantime, watching Ceniro sleep was great fun. Just enough light leaked in through and around the curtains that I could see quite clearly. He had surprisingly long eyelashes that were a little hard to see when his eyes were open, I think because they were not much darker than the light brown colour of his hair. His mouth was open slightly, creating the smallest whistling sound when he breathed. He looked so peaceful.

Eventually his breathing changed, just slightly, and then those big beautiful eyes opened, reluctantly, blearily, and turned in my direction.

“Hey,” he whispered hoarsely.

“Hi,” I whispered back.

“Is it time to get up?”

“I don’t know, and I honestly don’t care yet.”

He smiled hazily, but his arms tightened around me and he made as if to roll over to kiss me when he stopped, sniffing. “I really shouldn’t have slept in all my clothes. I’m gross right now.”

I giggled. “I don’t care. Come here.” I pulled his face around and he leaned forward to kiss me.

After a delightful half-hour, in which I discovered my tactician was a lot bolder when still half-asleep after a good night’s rest, and after an interesting breakfast hour in which I learned he’d accidentally been carrying a bomb since he’d last been in Santaruz – I could have punched him down Castle Ostia’s steps for that – we set out shopping for the army, Eliwood and Hector and Ceniro and me, with some others to fetch and carry.

I found my chance partway through the morning, when Ceniro and I met up with Hector again. He looked preoccupied, so I sneaked behind him and threw his cloak over his head. He yelled; I laughed.

“So… I’m sorry,” I blurted out, my posture going uncharacteristically shy, although he couldn’t quite see me yet.

He finally got the cloak back to its place and mock-glared at me. “For ambushing me with my own clothing? I should think so!”

Ack, explaining things. Keep it simple. “No… for… When we first met, I criticized your fighting style, remember? …I wanted to apologize…”

“What, that?” He looked completely confused, and in hindsight, I didn’t blame him. My words kind of came out of nowhere. “That was ages ago. I’d forgotten about it. Why bring it up now?”

“I used to think you were selfish, oblivious to others’ needs. Even now, after all this time, I think you’re often crude and insensitive.”

He looked like he was trying to figure out if I was still messing with him. “Hey now… Is there a point to this?”

There is, I promise. “…I used to be like that, too. I relied too much on my own strength and stuck to myself… All I did was cause problems to the people around me.” Like Ceniro. How had he ever stayed with me during those early days? “…I think you’re like that, too… So, sometimes, I feel I’m looking at the old me. Sometimes… I treat you horribly.” Well, that wasn’t the most coherent confession, and it sidestepped most of the important stuff, but… it was true, too.

Hector chuckled. “Yeah, that’s true. Sometimes you really lay into me.” Although at this exact moment he didn’t look like he minded. Because we were friends, too, right?

“…But aboard the pirate ship that time… and just now when we set out shopping… what you said made me realize I was wrong. So… I’m sorry.”

Hector rolled his shoulders uncomfortably and I forced myself to keep looking at his face… which was also uncomfortable right now. “Look… You apologized once before. I’ll admit that I’ve got a bad attitude a lot of the time. Just… forget about it, all right? It’s not a big deal.”

He didn’t get it. Partly because I was not explaining very well, and had no intention of explaining everything, but… How was I going to forgive myself if that was all I was getting out of him!? “Forget about it?” I cried. “I can’t just forget about it! It’s not good enough somehow… I… Hit me, it’ll make me feel better!”

“What!?” Hector exclaimed. I promise, I’m not a masochist, it’s just…

Ceniro was trying to get me to calm down, using the dreaded words ‘calm down’. I ignored him. “Yeah! Just do it! Come on, I won’t move.”

Hector looked away from me, ran a hand through his blue hair, sighed. “You… Hahhh…”

“What is it?” I asked. “Are you afraid? It’s not a trap, I promise.” Just hit me and then I can feel we’re even for all the verbal abuse I’ve given you. You never deserved a bit of it. Ceniro was trying to speak again. I shushed him. This wasn’t his problem. If we were going to be a couple, we had to solve problems together, I knew, but I would start… after this one. “Hector.”

“It’s not…” Hector began. “Give me a break, here, you think I can hit a woman?”

What? Was that his problem? “We’ve been sparring for ages! Just don’t think of me as a woman!”

“I can’t hit a woman that I…” He trailed off for no apparent reason.

“That you what?”

“Never mind!” Abruptly, he turned and began to march away rapidly, clearly more than uncomfortable with the whole thing. …Maybe I should have thought through my phrasing better before beginning everything. Ceniro would have certainly thought through his phrasing in my place. Dangit. “Let’s go find Eliwood!”

What was so important about Eliwood all of a sudden? He had Marcus and Merlinus with him, he was probably fine. “Wait! What were you going to say…?”

“It’s fine,” Ceniro said, although I noticed with some confusion he was blushing. What was going on with both of them? “He’s right, Eliwood’s been gone quite a while…”

“Sorry, were you looking for me?” Eliwood asked from behind us.

“Ah, there you are!” I said. “Hector! We found him!”

“Need me for something?” Eliwood asked mildly, looking at all of us in our various flustered states.

“Nah, just making sure you were all right,” Hector said, apparently deciding to play it cool.

I sighed and shook my head at him. “Way to make me worry for nothing!”

Hector shrugged as if it didn’t matter. “Ah well. Let’s keep moving, all right?”

I had to smile a little to myself. I’m sorry, Hector. I just wanted to even the score between us in my mind. But you haven’t even been keeping score, have you? I guess I should let it go, too. All of it. Even the guilt over the feelings I started to feel. Because you’re happy for us, no matter what you’re feeling right now, no matter what you’re going through with your brother’s illness and suspicious absence. I won’t forget. But I will put it aside. You deserve that respect.