Okay so S7 was CRAZY and I LOVED IT. It was a bit heavily military, yes, but on the other hand that’s where I expected the show to go, that’s kind of what I wanted from it. It was a beautiful drama, and I may have to write something about Adam after I’m done this fic. (like, done-done, like, post-series finale)
Part 10: Drifting
Shiro, soul and body reunited, had been placed back in the cryopod – so weak, his heart was struggling, his body adjusting to a semi-new consciousness. Or at least that was what Elslince and Allura told him. Keith paced. The rest of the team had only just left to gather fuel for the Lions, but his place was here, at Shiro’s side. Normally he was good at waiting – pacing was for people who liked to burn energy, like Lance – but this waiting was worse torture than he’d been through his entire life. If only there was something he could do…
“Keith,” said a soft voice from his side, and he almost jumped. Not good, he’d been so caught up in his thoughts he hadn’t noticed Elslince approach. His mom and Allura were still on the other side of the room. “Thank you for finding him, for bringing him back to us. You went through so much for him…” Her eyes lingered on his burn scar.
He blinked, unsure how to respond. “Well… uh…” He really didn’t need thanks.
“Though I know you would have done it anyway,” she said. “You love him too.”
“He’s my brother,” he said a little gruffly, though he got the sense that she wasn’t talking about that. Which meant she was very observant… and he didn’t want to go there, not with her, not with anyone. Shiro didn’t see him that way, had never seen him that way. He dimly remembered Adam, back when he’d been a kid and didn’t even think about such things. And now there was Elslince. But even though he was an adult now and knew his feelings, even if there had never been an Elslince, Shiro would still think of him as a younger brother. And he was content with that. As long as Shiro didn’t die again, anyway. Did she think they were kindred spirits for both loving Shiro or something?
She didn’t hug him, though she looked like she wanted to, instead putting a hand on his shoulder. “He will come back to us,” and now he got the sense she meant specifically him and her. Great, she did think they were kindred spirits. “He’s like you – too stubborn to quit.”
He had to smile. “Yeah. Yeah, he’ll recover. It’s just… the waiting is hard.” It wasn’t even the first time they’d waited on Shiro, either.
“I know.” She turned away, her self-control slipping just a bit, shoulders hunching as she took a deep breath. His wolf whined a little and nudged her hand with his head, and she patted him absentmindedly.
Maybe she was right after all. Her pain felt awfully similar to his pain.
He turned back to the cryopod. “C’mon, Shiro. Hang in there.” If he didn’t get up soon, the doctor would cry, and nobody wanted that.
“Quizack,” Romelle said. She’d come back from their zany planet-side adventure determined to say this new word correctly, it seemed.
“Nope, still wrong,” Pidge said. “Quiznack. Quiz… nack.”
“Quinzak – quiznack,” Romelle said.
“What if she’s only ever said quizack, though?” Elslince asked. “She’s been separated from the Altean language that Coran and Allura know by ten thousand years, you have to allow for regional variants.”
“It’s not that,” Romelle said, blushing. “I actually never used or even really heard swears before. This language is… it’s so dirty! But even Princess Allura says it! And I don’t know why, it makes me feel better to say it too!”
“Sometimes when you’re fighting for the universe, you gotta talk a little tough,” Lance said in his ‘suave’ voice.
“Sometimes when you’re frustrated, it makes you feel better,” Pidge said.
“I try not to use it when patching people up, but…” Elslince chuckled. “One time, Shiro needed seventeen stitches in his leg. I learned a lot of Earth words that day…”
“Oh yeah, like what?” Lance said. Everyone ignored Shiro mumbling “yes, I remember that” to himself.
“Umm…” Now Elslince blushed. “He really liked “k’so”, for one. He made me promise not to repeat the others…”
“I mean, we could just ask him, right?” Hunk said. “Hey, Shiro, what sorts of-”
“No,” Shiro said firmly. “You know plenty, I’m sure.”
Elslince giggled a little. For a moment, he’d sounded like his old self again. He was going to need a lot of time to recover, but this precious little moment of normalcy… it was good.
The night after he explained what had happened to him, why his consciousness had melded to the Black Lion’s to begin with, and dealing with the inevitable outburst of “You were dead-dead!?” from everyone except Keith, Krolia, and Romelle… he couldn’t sleep. And not because there was a green girl sticking to his side like glue every minute of every hour, as if terrified he’d disappear or die on her yet again. Physical proximity seemed to reassure her, and he was okay with giving her that – it reassured him that he was truly back in the land of the living, too.
Even though he wondered if he ought to be. No one came back from the dead… that was one thing that had gotten Zarkon into this whole galactic war mess in the first place, supposedly.
Even if he kind of needed time to himself right now. The team was handling themselves just fine without his input – Keith had truly become the leader he’d always known he was – and he was inexplicably depressed and not in the mood for interacting. Elslince said part of it was an imbalance of brain chemicals, which he could understand, but he found he just couldn’t reach out to them like he once could. At least she gave him his mental space. She knew he’d talk when he was ready. He didn’t know why she believed in him so- no, that was the brain chemicals talking. Maybe.
Even though he wondered how upset she was. She’d told him once that he couldn’t give up everything if he didn’t want her to cry anymore – and he’d done it. Not necessarily intentionally, but even if given a choice… he’d probably have still done it. It had been the universe or her heart… and he’d chosen the universe. He’d done the same thing to her he’d done to Adam. He’d even come to terms with dying while existing in the serene world that was the Black Lion’s consciousness. But that didn’t mean he didn’t feel kind of guilty now that she was having to sort through it all too. She tried to hide how much she was hurting, but he saw the freshly reopened wounds in her eyes.
One thing he certainly hated was missing his arm. Yes, he was glad the evil Galra thing was gone. Proud of Keith for destroying it. But now the simplest things were unreasonably difficult. His disease had given him more dignity… even though he hadn’t gotten to the debilitating stage yet before Haggar took it from him along with his arm. And he oughtn’t to complain, just it was really a pain when Elslince had to open the pudding packets for him, had to hold things for him, practically do everything except wipe his ass like an infant. He’d always been capable of doing almost everything for himself and losing that independence was unbearably frustrating, made him feel like a giant useless piece of meat. Patience yielded focus, though, and he was going to need focus if he was going to make it through this long journey with his sanity intact. He couldn’t get angry at El. What was he going to do, not eat his pudding? He wanted the pudding.
The bathroom door opened and Elslince tip-toed out, back to his side – but as soon as she lay down next to him, a shaggy form loomed out of the darkness and draped itself over her stomach. She grunted with the weight. “Wolfy, get off.”
“He really likes you, huh?” Shiro said, happy for the distraction from his dark thoughts.
“He really likes making me a pillow… I said get off!” The wolf ignored her, looking at Shiro contentedly.
“C’mon,” Shiro said mildly to the wolf. “What if I want to make her a pillow, too?” He had to admit how impressed he was with Keith raising a space-wolf, particularly one that seemed intelligent as anyone else they’d met, even if it didn’t talk.
She snorted as the wolf considered that, then got up and stalked back over to where Keith was sleeping. Probably. Free from animals as big as she was, she rolled closer to him, not touching him except with her hair, which wound about his arm. He couldn’t feel it through the armour. “Still can’t sleep?”
He sighed. “Not yet. I’m trying. You all right?”
“I’m fine,” she said, getting comfortable. She was kind of adorable curled up like that. “Want to talk or no?”
He didn’t even know if he wanted to talk about it. Certainly didn’t want to wake up Keith and Krolia. He sighed again. “I mean, I’m not thrilled about being brought back in the body of my own evil clone… who tried to kill you all…”
“Not evil,” Elslince said. “Neither you, nor anything from you could be evil. Mind-controlled.”
“Because that makes it all okay,” he said sarcastically. “Blowing up the Castle, punching you all in the face…”
Blue eyes looked up at him and made him feel bad. “He tried to be Shiro for us. He was Shiro for us-”
“Until he wasn’t.”
“Which wasn’t his fault. Unless you want to blame him for existing.”
He wanted to. Wanted to say they’d have been better off with no Shiro than a time-bomb of one.
“He gave us what we needed when we needed it,” she said softly. “Gave me what I needed. The strength to continue. The leadership to fight. Just like you would have. The fact that Haggar created him, and then stole him from us… not his fault. And when she strikes, it’s always devastating, no matter what. Kuron wasn’t evil. She is.”
“I’m still mad at him,” he grumbled, putting his arm around her. “I have very high standards for myself, clones not exempt.”
He was trying to joke a little bit, to lift the tension from his outward feelings, even if his inward feelings were still all messed up. It seemed to work, as she draped an arm over his chest. “Hey, Shiro.”
“Mm?”
“Didn’t you once tell me that ‘shiro’ means white?”
“Yeah, Shirogane means white steel – or maybe silver. And Kogane means gold. You’re saying my hair finally fits.”
He felt her smile. Some of her hair drifted up to touch his. “Yes. And it’s beautiful.”
“I guess.” It hadn’t really mattered one way or another, he wasn’t much for worrying about his looks. “You’ve always been beautiful.”
“Go to sleep, silver boy.” A slight, involuntary squeeze that told him she was still internally freaking out about the dying thing and didn’t want to let go of him, probably ever again.
He squeezed her shoulders back. “You too, green girl.”